what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
