The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
