why didn't you poke me back
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
