i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
