Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
