I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
