I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
