ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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