My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
