Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
