so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
