it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
