The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
