a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
