I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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