I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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