You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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