Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Less talking, more tequila
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
