im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
