I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You pole danced in your parka.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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