I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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