you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize