Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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