when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
