youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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