don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize