Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
