I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
