When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
