it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
