You're so nebulous sometimes
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
