he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
