my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
