do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The beer is more important than you right now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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