She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
