Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
