Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
