if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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