you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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