hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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