I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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