your parents love me but you hate me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
