ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
