Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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