her vagine was all disorganized.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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