New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
