last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
