I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
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if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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