Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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