I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
send nudes
from the living room?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
