she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
