He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
