Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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