I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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