dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
