Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
