Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
