Sponge bath it is.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
