I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
