Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Randomize
