wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
