And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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