Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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