You really coming over, don't trick.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
