i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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