Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
