Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
