i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
