So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
