i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
