I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
