I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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